Craig's halloween costume

I've been wanting to tell you about my husband's halloween costume, but have held off for fear you'd think I was pervert. It's bad enough we have a stripper pole in our living room, but I was pretty sure this would put me over the edge.

Then I realized that I wasn't the one who told my husband to go buy his costume at an adult shop in King's Cross. No, he thought of that all on his own!

I decided the only way I could justify this post was to pretend that I was giving you some essential sewing tips. So I present....

Essentials for Creating an Outfit for a Male Stripper
[or a halloween costume for your husband that he selected himself]

• Theme - Any hero-based theme will do. Air force cadet, James Bond or a policeman are all quite popular, but nothing will win the girls over quite like a fireman. They truly are every girl's fantasy, so go ahead and forget about your other ideas.
  
  
  
• Material - The right type material is essential in creating your stripping outfit. Ordinarily one would invest in a breathable fabric that provides comfort while dancing. Stripping would be an exception to this rule. You want to be hot and sweaty so choose something synthetically awful like nylon or polyester.
  
  
• Construction - With most costumes, you'll be after reinforced seams with a tight stitch. That's not to important when creating your fireman outfit. If it holds together for the length of your dance, that's good. If it rips off mid-show, even better!
  
  
• Notions - Remember your costume is all about easy access. Notions is the one area where you don't want to skimp. Your jacket should have at least four buckles which can be unbuckled at a pace of one a minute. This is a good way to tease your audience. Buy nice buckles, this hides the fact that you've bought crappy material.
  
  
  
• Accessories - Get yourself a cheap plastic helmet. The one my husband found reads "This is a toy not to be used as a safety helmet. Made in China. Warning! This is a toy. Does not provide protection". Got it. No protection. Note to self - remember to buy condoms.
  
  
  
• The Pants - The real secret to a great stripping costume is in the pants... The front of the pants should have one button and a long zip which enables you to taunt your audience. This isn't the big secret.The rear has elastic to help keep them in place. Again, no secrets here.
  
  
  It's the side of the pants that hold the key. A bit of velcro and some twill tape straps are the magic to dropping trow faster than you can say fireman.
  
  
  This is the only thing you really need to know about stripper costume construction. Remember this and you can't go wrong.
  

Finally no stripping costume would be complete without music. For the fireman there's no going past Come on Baby Light My Fire, Burn Baby Burn [Disco Inferno] and of course St Elmo's Fire.

Happy Halloween!